Below is a structured list of 101 coaching questions based on the HPM – Human Potential Modeling method by Dr. Daniele Trevisani, divided into the 6 original HPM operational cells. Each cluster targets a specific dimension of human potential, exactly as defined in the foundational HPM framework (Trevisani, 2009).
Contents
Cluster 1 – Physical Energies (17 questions)
Vitality, body resources, biological sustainability
How would you describe your current level of physical energy on a typical day?
What signals does your body send you when it is under stress?
How consistent are your sleep patterns, and how do they affect your performance?
What daily habits most support your physical vitality?
Which habits are currently draining your physical energy?
How do nutrition and hydration influence your mental clarity?
How do you recover after intense physical or emotional effort?
What role does movement play in your daily routine?
How aware are you of your breathing during demanding situations?
When was the last time you truly felt physically balanced?
How does physical fatigue affect your decision-making?
What boundaries do you set to protect your physical well-being?
How aligned is your work rhythm with your natural energy cycles?
What physical warning signs do you tend to ignore?
How does your posture reflect your emotional state?
What would “sustainable energy” mean for you long-term?
What is one concrete physical habit you could improve immediately?
To identify limiting beliefs and mental shortcuts that shape behavior.
Coaching Questions
What are you assuming is “obvious” in this situation?
What must be true for this belief to make sense?
When has this belief helped you? When has it limited you?
What alternative explanation could exist?
Exercise: Belief Reframing
Write:
“I believe that…”
“This belief leads me to act by…”
“A more functional belief could be…”
Test new belief in real situations.
Coach Observation Focus
Absolutist language (“always”, “never”)
Fear-based assumptions
Unchallenged narratives about self or others
TOOL 4 – Communication & Relationship Diagnostic
(How am I co-creating relationships?)
Purpose
To improve clarity, assertiveness, and relational effectiveness.
Coaching Questions
What message do you think you are sending?
What message is likely being received?
What are you not saying?
How do you handle disagreement?
Exercise: Conversation Replay
Client describes a recent difficult conversation:
What was said
What was felt
What was avoided
Coach explores:
Missed communication choices
Alternative assertive responses
Coach Observation Focus
Passive or aggressive communication patterns
Fear of conflict
Lack of feedback culture
TOOL 5 – Strategic Action Design
(What will I do differently, concretely?)
Purpose
To translate insight into aligned and sustainable action.
Coaching Questions
What small action would signal real change?
How does this action align with your identity?
What resistance might appear?
How will you know it is working?
Exercise: Micro-Action Planning
Define:
One behavioral change
One context
One metric (observable, not emotional)
Review after real-world application.
Coach Observation Focus
Overly ambitious plans
Action disconnected from values
Avoidance disguised as planning
TOOL 6 – Meaning & Purpose Alignment
(Why does this matter?)
Purpose
To reconnect action with meaning and long-term direction.
Coaching Questions
What makes this goal worth the effort?
Who benefits from your growth?
What kind of professional do you want to become?
What would “success with meaning” look like?
Exercise: Purpose Statement (Draft)
Client writes:
“What I want to contribute through my work is…”
Refine over multiple sessions.
Coach Observation Focus
Signs of burnout or cynicism
External motivation dominance
Loss of long-term vision
INTEGRATION TOOL – HPM System Review
Purpose
To ensure coherence across all dimensions.
Ask the client:
Where am I aligned?
Where am I fragmented?
Which dimension needs attention now?
Use this tool:
at the start of a coaching journey
at mid-point review
at closure
Final Notes for Coaches
HPM coaching is not about:
fixing people,
pushing performance,
or forcing change.
It is about modeling human potential by working on the structures that generate behavior.
Depth, presence, and systemic awareness are more important than speed.
Foundational Reference
Trevisani, Daniele (2009). Human Potential. Coaching and Training Methods for Performance Development. Milan: FrancoAngeli. Foundational work of the HPM – Human Potential Modeling Method.
Modern coaching has evolved far beyond the correction of behaviors or the pursuit of short-term performance goals. Today, effective coaching requires a systemic understanding of the human being, integrating cognition, emotion, identity, communication, motivation, and context. Within this evolution, HPM – Human Potential Modeling stands out as a comprehensive and scientifically grounded coaching methodology focused on unlocking deep, sustainable human potential.
HPM is not a collection of isolated tools. It is a coherent model, originally formulated by Daniele Trevisani in Il potenziale umano. Metodi e tecniche di coaching e training per lo sviluppo delle performance (2009), which represents the foundational work of the HPM Method. From this core framework emerged later evolutions such as Deep Coaching, Active Training, and advanced applications in leadership, communication, and organizational development.
The Core Philosophy of HPM
At its heart, HPM is based on a fundamental assumption: human performance is the visible expression of deeper internal systems.
Traditional coaching often focuses on “what to do.” HPM focuses on:
how meaning is constructed,
how energy is mobilized,
how identity shapes action,
how communication influences reality,
and how internal and external systems interact.
Rather than treating symptoms (lack of motivation, poor communication, resistance to change), HPM works on the structural drivers of human behavior.
The Six Core Working Areas of HPM
The HPM model is built around six interconnected areas of human functioning. These are not stages, but simultaneous dimensions that influence one another.
1. Identity and Role Awareness
Identity is not a static label; it is a dynamic system of self-perception, values, and role assumptions. HPM coaching techniques explore:
professional identity,
perceived legitimacy,
internalized expectations,
role conflicts.
Many performance issues emerge not from lack of skill, but from identity misalignment. When individuals act from unclear or fragmented identities, their decisions, communication, and motivation suffer.
HPM techniques in this area include identity mapping, role deconstruction, and narrative reframing.
2. Emotional and Energetic Regulation
HPM recognizes emotions as energetic signals, not obstacles. Coaching interventions aim to:
increase emotional literacy,
identify emotional blocks,
transform emotional energy into action capacity.
Rather than suppressing emotions, HPM teaches clients to read, regulate, and use emotional states strategically, especially in leadership, negotiation, and conflict contexts.
3. Cognitive Models and Mental Maps
People do not react to reality, but to their internal representations of reality. HPM coaching works on:
belief systems,
mental shortcuts,
cognitive distortions,
implicit assumptions.
Through structured inquiry and reflective dialogue, clients learn to redesign their mental maps, enabling more flexible thinking, strategic vision, and adaptive behavior.
4. Communication and Relational Systems
Communication is not just transmission of information; it is construction of meaning and relationship. HPM integrates advanced communication techniques, including:
assertive communication,
intercultural sensitivity,
meta-communication,
feedback dynamics.
This dimension is essential in leadership coaching, team coaching, and organizational transformation. Communication failures are often systemic, not individual, and HPM addresses them at their roots.
5. Action, Strategy, and Behavioral Design
HPM is deeply action-oriented. Insight without action is incomplete. Coaching techniques focus on:
designing congruent action plans,
aligning behaviors with identity and values,
monitoring micro-behaviors,
building sustainable habits.
Unlike rigid goal-setting models, HPM promotes adaptive action, continuously refined through feedback and reflection.
6. Meaning, Purpose, and Direction
Purpose is a major driver of human energy. HPM coaching techniques help individuals reconnect with:
personal meaning,
professional mission,
long-term contribution.
This dimension is especially powerful in moments of transition, burnout, or career redefinition. When purpose is clarified, motivation becomes intrinsic and resilient.
HPM Coaching Techniques in Practice
HPM coaching is characterized by depth, structure, and flexibility. Some distinctive techniques include:
Multi-layer questioning, designed to access cognitive, emotional, and identity levels simultaneously.
Systemic mapping, to visualize internal and external influencing factors.
Reflective silence and guided awareness, essential in Deep Coaching.
Active experimentation, where clients test new behaviors in real contexts.
Feedback loops, integrating experience, reflection, and learning.
These techniques are always adapted to the client’s context: executive coaching, life coaching, team coaching, or training environments.
HPM vs. Traditional Coaching Models
What distinguishes HPM from many mainstream coaching approaches is its integrative depth.
While some models focus primarily on:
goals,
performance metrics,
or behavioral change,
HPM addresses the human system as a whole. It does not ignore performance; it redefines performance as the outcome of aligned inner systems.
This makes HPM particularly effective in:
complex leadership roles,
high-stakes decision-making,
intercultural environments,
organizational change,
personal transformation.
Scientific and Methodological Foundations
HPM draws from multiple disciplines:
psychology,
communication sciences,
organizational studies,
coaching science,
training methodology.
Its methodological rigor comes from its structured yet adaptive framework, tested across coaching, training, and organizational consulting contexts over many years.
The foundational reference remains:
Trevisani, Daniele (2009). Human Potential. Coaching and Training Methods for Performance Development. Milan: FrancoAngeli.
This work established HPM as a distinct coaching methodology, not a derivative or hybrid approach.
Applications of HPM Coaching
HPM is widely applicable across domains:
Executive and leadership coaching
Personal development and life coaching
Team and group coaching
Organizational and cultural transformation
High-performance professions
Its versatility lies in its ability to adapt techniques without diluting the model.
Coaching the Human System
HPM (Human Potential Modeling) represents a mature evolution of coaching: one that recognizes the complexity, depth, and potential of the human being.
Rather than offering quick fixes, HPM builds structural change, enabling individuals and organizations to grow from the inside out. By integrating identity, emotion, cognition, communication, action, and meaning, HPM coaching techniques create sustainable excellence—not just better performance, but better humans at work and in life.
People do not listen, they just wait for their turn to talk.
(Chuck Palahniuk)
Effective listening essentially has two meanings: 1) when listening has been useful to gather information and better understand the state of things, facts, and people; 2) when listening has been a pleasant, welcoming moment of relationship, in which we were able to act as an emotional container for the person.
When these two situations occur, we are experiencing effective listening. It is a quite rare situation. During a lifetime, no gold is as rare and as precious as someone who understands you.
Some questions can be useful:
Have you ever had the feeling that a person is not listening to you?
That they do not want to hear you, or that they cannot hear you at all?
Or have you ever felt that while you are talking, the other one is saying things halfway, not saying everything, holding something back? Out of willingness, sometimes, or out of incapacity, or out of fear, who knows?
Have you ever felt that persons you are talking, give a false idea of themselves, practising some form of “Impressions Management[1]” (creating an artificial image of themselves)?
Have you ever intended to talk to someone in order to deepen a certain theme or situation, while the person continues to escape, run away, avoid?
Have you ever felt the presence of a ‘core’ behind a person’s talk, of content – ideas, opinions, projects – which is only observed in transparency, but does not emerge, no matter how hard the person tries to explain himself?
If you have ever experienced even one of these situations, you had been practising ‘listening beyond words’, ‘heightened perception’ and approached or approached the topics of active listening and empathy.
Moreover, if there were interests at stake, you have experienced the importance of Conversational Leadership and the ability to direct the course of a conversation.
In your own life, you have also experienced, how rare active listening is, and that being listened to is quite rare, compared to normal life where everything is rushing, and there is no time for anything.
Rather than blaming others for what they do or do not do, for whoever wants to, the main goal of this book is offering tools to improve your listening, whether at work or in everyday life, and practice quality listening, active listening, and empathic listening.
The spirit of Virgil’s words, his invitation to always seek to understand, is the foundation that runs throughout this book: the underlying value that inspires us to practice active listening.
You can be tired of everything, but not of understanding.
(Virgil)
Listening is perception, and perceiving for us is normal, physiological.
You did it hundreds and thousands of times, even just observing people in how they are dressed or how they walk – inevitably. You did it whether you wanted to or not. As perception has become very superficial, so has listening. This is what matters, dishonourable because acute perception is a privileged path to truth.
Conversational leadership is the ability to restore the power of listening, to direct the conversation on the issues that interest us, or on the formats that we want to strategically activate (and listening is one of them).
Why is leadership important for listening skills? Because leadership is a voluntary act, and in this volume, listening is considered a voluntary act, decided by the listener, not a random act likely to happen without paying attention.
Human beings are endowed with natural listening skills, they use their hearing ability to understand sounds and words, because this is vital for their survival. If we did not know how to listen, neither to sounds nor to intentions (e.g., aggressive, hostile, or friendly), we would already be extinct.
It is believed that it takes courage to stand up and speak out, to have one is said. Well, very often it also takes courage to put our mind there, where we are now, to listen and look inside the soul and mind of a person.
There is also courage in listening.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
(Sir Winston Churchill)
1.1 Listen to emotions. Emotions and communication
Emotions and communication are strongly related.
In addition to the verbal data (objects, subjects, verbs, adjectives, and other speech elements), we can always notice an emotional background in communication (the outer part of Plutchik’s wheel presented below). Sometimes this background becomes more intense, and we can almost ‘feel’ or ‘perceive’ better the emotional background than single words (area of intermediate emotions). When we enter the extreme emotions area, the intense ones are placed in the middle of the model, words become almost useless, because we are inundated by the emotion coming from the other, and this ends up overwhelming any content.
Plutchik’s Solid or Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions[2] is one of the best representations of how emotions work. We must keep in mind that we are communicators too, so this system also applies when we are the ones talking.
(graphic adopted from the original model, referring to bibliography, Plutchik 1980)
Inevitably, in a communicative exchange, we always have an underlying exchange of emotions.
Some people are particularly good and very quick at grasping their inner emotions, directing them, dominating them, making use of them as they wish. For example, speaking in public in front of thousands of people without feeling the slightest bit of anxiety.
On the other hand, other people fall victims of their emotions, may become victims of a love that is blind and deaf to all denials, and persevere in loving a person who does not love them, or who has never even shown any signs of love. They may be afraid even thinking about the idea of speaking in public and fear it like the worst of poisons.
Each communicative situation (COMSIT) owns specific meanings and emotional undertones. COMSITs are specific frames or communicative moments that can be distinguished from each other, such as a dialogue between friends, or an argument, or giving explanations, and a thousand other possibilities in relationships. In each COMSIT, different degrees of incommunicability and different types of emotions arise[4].
What can we do then? The way, the only real way, is “to train oneself to emotions”. This way, it sounds like ‘training to live’, something intangible. And it is precisely this training in the intangible that makes ‘training in emotions’ an exercise in great emotional intelligence. Such as a refined gym of Experiential Coaching, for those who design active training exercises on emotions.
This involves dealing with emotions in an ’emotional laboratory’ where they can be experienced and then ‘debriefed’ with the support of a trainer, coach, counsellor, or psychologist, depending on the type of intervention.
Working on corporate groups and not on clinical pathology situations, requires the Trainer and the Counsellor as main figures and reference. These “emotion workshops” must be engineered by using videos, images, letters, themed dialogues, and any kind of exercise involving emotions.
As Howell[5] said about our ‘unconscious emotional incompetence’, at first, we may find it all a bit silly or we may be ‘clumsy’, but then we will ‘climb’ this peak, step by step, until we reach a strong emotional competence.
This competence is necessary, the higher the career position is. Think of the need for emotional balance in a judge, or a surgeon, or a police officer, or in specific situations such as taking a penalty shot, or in difficult and extreme sports where emotions are everything, or almost everything.
Emotions are often mixed, a cross between different emotional states, as we see in this picture showing the primary, secondary, and tertiary links between emotion dyads in Plutchik’s model.
Picture 2 – Graph displaying the primary, secondary, and tertiary dyads on the Plutchik’s wheel of emotions[6]
Links between emotional state produce different emotions in different emotional state (Mixed Emotions) our everyday actual emotional truth.
[1] Schlenker, Barry R. (1980). Impression Management: The Self-Concept, Social Identity, and Interpersonal Relations. Monterey, California: Brooks/Cole.
[2] Plutchik , Robert (1980), Emotion: Theory, research, and experience: Vol. 1. Theories of emotion, 1, New York: Academic
Plutchik Robert (2002), Emotions and Life: Perspectives from Psychology, Biology, and Evolution, Washington, DC: American Psychological Association
Plutchik Robert; R. Conte., Hope (1997), Circumplex Models of Personality andEmotions, Washington, DC: American Psychological Association
[4] Trevisani, Daniele (1992). A Semiotic Models Approach to the Analysis of International/Intercultural Communication; published in “Proceedings of the International and Intercultural Communication Conference”, University of Miami, FL., USA, 19 – 21 May 1992.
[5] Howell, William S. (1982). The empathic communicator. University of Minnesota: Wadsworth Publishing Company
Why address the issues of diversity and inclusion in the company?
“Love is not in the other, but within ourselves. We are the ones who awaken it. But for this to happen, we need the other. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our emotions with.”
Paulo Coelho
Among the many uncertainties of the modern world, we have one certainty to offer: to express ourselves, we need interlocutors who listen. Whether it is expressing love or making a company presentation, someone is needed on the other end. And in turn, if we do not listen, we do not allow an emotion or a communication to flow.
It seems easy but in reality it becomes very difficult, even in companies, to make one’s thoughts understood. Every human being is a universe of unrepeatable experiences, a unique biological and cultural construction. Diversity is the engine of evolution, both genetic and cultural, but it also brings with it operational difficulties in relationships, communication and method.
Communication and management treatises too often tend to trivialize the topic of human relations in and between companies – neglecting reality – the strong diversity between people and teams in the different ways of perceiving, thinking, communicating and interacting, and even of “being”.
Competitive companies have a strong need to move beyond the increasingly narrow external boundaries of their usual sectors (Diversity in market perspectives and reference cultures), and to make an effort to open up on an equal scale towards the inside (Diversity in the Workplace, or Workplace Diversity).
At the same time, they have a need for inclusion (Inclusion). This means becoming a place where people are happy to work, regardless of their culture and country.
Diversity is an exercise that leads to expanding the internal boundaries of thought, broadening one’s mental perspectives, facilitating the exchange between different visions of the world, responding to ethical purposes (Ethical Diversity) and competitive purposes (Competitive Diversity).
Inclusion is also a strong corporate theme. When we talk about “Diversity & Inclusion” we also mean that a company must be able to include diversity in its workforce and not reject it.
Principle 1 – Respect for different types of Diversity & Inclusion
Company competitiveness depends on the ability to include multiple identity factors in the company and in particular:
Ethnic and cultural diversity: Addresses the presence and representation of people from different ethnicities and cultures within an organization. The aim is to promote understanding and celebration of cultural differences.
Gender inclusion: Focuses on gender equity and seeks to ensure that men and women have equal opportunities and treatment in all aspects of professional and social life.
Ability diversity: Concerns the inclusion of people with different abilities and disabilities. The aim is to create environments that are accessible and welcoming for everyone.
LGBTQ+ Inclusion: Promotes acceptance and inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and all other gender identities and sexual orientations.
Generational Diversity: Considers the differences between different generations (Baby Boomers, Generation X, Millennials, Generation Z, etc.) and seeks to ensure effective collaboration and understanding between them.
Social and Economic Inclusion: Works to reduce social and economic disparities, ensuring that everyone has access to the same opportunities regardless of their social origin or economic situation.
Religious Inclusion: Promotes acceptance and respect for different religious practices and beliefs, ensuring a work or community environment that is inclusive of all faiths.
Diversity of Thought and Educational Background: Values the importance of having people with different perspectives, experiences and educational backgrounds to foster creativity and innovation.
Inclusion of all identities: In addition to the categories mentioned above, there is a growing recognition of the importance of including all identities, including those related to characteristics such as physical appearance, lifestyle, etc.
These important considerations lead us to ask ourselves why we should make Diversity & Inclusion programs.
1.1. The “engines” that push towards Diversity & Inclusion Management
There are unstoppable economic and psychological engines that push both companies and people to become more aware and more skilled in dealing with diversity.
1.1.1. The economic engine
One of these engines – the economic engine – is given by the increase in the flow of international trade, goods, information and people that crosses the planet. It is banal to repeat it, but a company, even a small one, today cannot survive without the ability to export.
Here are 50 keywords related to **diversity and inclusion**:
1. Working on the potential of individuals, teams and companies: the HPM (Human Performance & Potential Modelling) method
People travel to be amazed by the mountains, the seas,
of rivers, of stars and pass alongside themselves
without being surprised
(St. Augustine)
Fundamental concepts: the vision of the person as an energy system
The HPM method derives its acronym from its primary objective, Modeling, or “giving shape”, generating impulse, contribution and stimulus to the growth of the person, teams and organizations.
The method has two distinct spheres of application, connected to each other:
growth of human potential:Human Potential Modeling, and
The method contains a conception of man as an articulation of physical and mental energies, micro and macro-skills, planning and aspirations.
The method identifies six specific “work cells”, on which each of us, regardless of our starting condition, can make progress, no matter if small or large. And, for every small achievement, new horizons open up that invite us to move forward, in a continuous exploration of what it means to progress, in its deepest sense.
“Entering” these six cells allows us to build serious and effective growth projects, be they the “liberation” from what holds us back, or the increase in our personal resources, both tangible (e.g. a better body) and intangible (e.g. increase in wisdom and life spirituality).
The amplification of the energies and abilities of an individual or of an entire group or company can project us towards new goals and new ways of being. Becoming fully aware of one’s potentials and fighting to reach them is an operation that has its own sacredness, beyond the numerical or professional result that may derive from it.
Understanding this is essential today to do serious corporate training, to be researchers or teachers worthy of the name, but also in coaching, in focusing (focusing development needs), in consultancy, in personal growth projects, when examining a person or an organization, understood as a complex of circulating energies, its human side, its vital spirit.
The HPM method groups together all the factors highlighted in a pyramid model (physical and mental energies, micro and macro-skills, planning and aspirations) and considers them aspects that can be trained, increased and which can be acted upon. We are therefore preparing to work on this model.
Below we show a graphic preview, which highlights the six specific work areas, each of which is explored in depth, but certainly not exhausted.
Exhausting every single area would be too big a claim, while opening a discussion and offering contributions and useful and operational tools on each one is already possible.
Human potential and human performance are two different but closely related areas of study, as are the foundations of a building and its upper floors.
No one would, with a modicum of common sense, build a skyscraper on unstable foundations. The work on potential is, as a metaphor, similar to the work of building solid foundations, while performances give us a sense of height, of how high we can go.
Each of us feels the need, sooner or later, to develop our potential, but also to access higher existential planes, to research, to grow.
We can suffocate this natural human instinct, but it’s like trying not to breathe, sooner or later the need comes out, and it’s good to listen to it.
The HPM model analyzes the human being as an energy system, a synergy of forces (physical and mental), the amplification of which can increase the degree of happiness, success and potential for achievement.
This complex system is composed of subsystems, which can have a variable state of charge, and function well or poorly, with intermediate degrees of efficiency and effectiveness.
To analyze the global potential of the person, not only on a physical or intellectual level, but as a human being as a whole, we need to locate which are the micro and macro-districts on which we can act and how these interact with each other.
We must also know how to move the analysis zoom from micro to macro, from particular to general, and vice versa.
Below is a brief summary of the main contents of the six work “cells”:
the bioenergetic substrate and physical energies: it frames the biological part of the human being, the body and physical energies, the organic and biological state of fitness that supports individual energies; includes the analysis of bodily energies and the functioning of the organism, how it can be repaired or “enhanced”, the effects of lifestyle and the holistic approach to the body, attention to local economies (of specific physical districts) and to general energies;
the psychoenergetic substrate and mental energies: this area regards psychological energies, motivational forces, the state of mental fitness necessary to face challenges, projects, goals and objectives. It aims to analyze and intervene on mental abilities, such as concentration, tactical clarity, strategic skills, perception skills, use of memory, sensorial amplification, up to the ability to live passions, review our way of being, take back control of our role in life with greater assertiveness, rethinking oneself, creating motivation in oneself and in the team, developing courage and perseverance, using a productive and positive thinking style;
micro-skills: the micro-details that give depth to the potential, the psychological and psychomotor micro-skills that make the difference in a managerial or sporting performance, the micro-cognitive (reasoning) skills, which create a difference between an execution: mediocre, average or excellent, the relational and communication micro-skills on which quality work depends;
macro-skills: the major tools (competencies, skills, abilities) that make up the profile of a role; the trajectories of change that the scenario around us undergoes, how to remain aware of it and in full control; the range of skills or portfolio of skills of an individual or a team, and how this must be revisited, retrained, trained, to live up to the objectives that each of us sets ourselves and the challenges we want to take on;
goals and planning: the structuring of effort for something or against something concrete (an ideal transformed into a project); the ability to develop an objective into action, to set deadlines and intermediate goals, the focus of application of energies and skills, their translation into specific operational plans and expected results;
vision, principles and values,mission: ideals, moral principles, dreams, aspirations, values, spiritual forces, the profound drivers that direct personal priorities, the anchors of sense and meaning that connect projects to a deeper level, personal choices, the sense of mission. It also concerns the primordial background of desires and impulses that drive our doing and acting, the sense of cause and – last but not least – our spiritual and existential experience, with a strong attention to the spiritual level a person can reach.
Each of these states or “cells” can have a certain level of “charge”, be “full”, “abundant”, well cultivated, well exercised, or instead be “exhausted”, deprived, weakened, impoverished, or even neglected and mistreated, malnourished, abandoned.
As the charge in the different systems increases, the overall energy of the person, the teams, and the organizations they comprise increases, with very tangible effects: results, performance, ability to decide, to impact and produce positive change. These results depend on the state of the different systems, the ability to cultivate and nourish them.
Their local condition and the interaction between the different “cells” can produce the maximum potential or present negative synergies, or damage and malfunctions that prevent human beings from expressing themselves fully.
Personal resources and individual potential can be “read” but above all amplified through serious work on the six areas.
On a managerial and sporting level, in teams and companies, the implications are equally evident: the mental and physical state of people, their motivation, their skills, their planning, their moral depth, make the difference between dull people or teams, and capable, strong, motivated people, teams or organizations, full of energy and enthusiasm, eager to face challenges and make real contributions.
An effective model for working on human potential
Asking yourself what your potential is and how much of it you have explored or achieved is not a trivial question.
This happens in some particular moments in life when it becomes important for us to achieve something, improve, and express ourselves.
When this happens, a feeling inside us changes. From external reality we begin to shift attention towards internal reality.
We ask ourselves questions, some of these may hurt, others open new horizons, but it doesn’t matter, since they positively challenge us. No question is useless when we think about the meaning of who we are and what we want, when we ask ourselves if and how we would like to build something to be proud of (a performance, or a contribution to others or to a cause), or simply to be different or better.
For many, the outcome of greater attention to personal potential is the desire to explore it, or leave a mark, start projects, be able to look back and be proud of how we have lived, of what we are and have been, and give a positive message to those who will follow us on the journey of life. For others, however, everything remains stuck in uninterrupted and self-destructive mental rumination. Blocked energies corrode and destroy rather than produce and generate well-being, life force, love and passion.
The difference between the two outcomes (growth and development vs. negative mental rumination) lies in having a model and support that helps you better identify goals and the paths to take to get there.
Failures, falls, blocks, errors are an integral part of this journey, but their occurrence does not change their value in the slightest.
What differentiates a man from a stone is that “being compressed”, buried, being transported without wondering where, or remaining pressed and immobile, is acceptable for the latter but not for the former.
Man has an intrinsic need to “fly”, to express himself, to “research”, to give meaning to his life, and even to every single day or action.
Those who deny this need for expression and growth apply one of the most self-destructive psychological mechanisms that exist, identified in literature as self-silencing: silencing oneself, killing one’s aspirations, putting a cap on one’s dreams, stopping believing in something, thinking that everything is useless, that it’s not worth it, that the difficulties are too many, or that the world has always been like this after all.
Lies. Lies we tell ourselves to avoid entering (just to use another technical term) “cognitive dissonance”, the uncomfortable condition we encounter when we realize that something in our life is not going as we would like, or that we could be better or simply different. Cultivating human potential is instead a moment of liberation.
There are also medical implications: when a person lacks mental energy, or no longer has any values or ideals to support him, or lacks the skills to cope with life, the body suffers and can become ill [1].
Wanting to progress, asking questions, “who, what, where, with whom, why”, is an inevitable goal or step for every sensitive soul.
Giving impetus to the journey of life always makes sense. It can happen whether you only want your own personal evolution, or whether the path is aimed at a professional and corporate improvement.
Both journeys have depth and value. Both are worthy of attention and support, because a stagnant and lifeless person is not useful to anyone, just as it is not useful to have incapable and unmotivated companies and teams.
The strongest teams in the world, and the greatest champions of all time in every discipline, or the greatest thinkers in history, are such because they continue to ask themselves questions and do not escape “the call of nature”, the ancestral drive that tells us about evolution, which pushes us to progress, to be better.
Without a model to help us find directions for growth, our effort can be noble but in vain. We run, we hurry, we invest time and energy, but often without a good orientation map. The result is enormous dispersion.
A good model, on the other hand, helps you find your way more quickly. If a model does not offer stimuli, directions and orientations, it is completely useless, like finding your way on a wrong or upside-down map.
Furthermore, a model of human potential can be used in concrete projects of business coaching, consultancy, corporate training, sports coaching, but also in counselling, leadership courses and training.
Ever since man has existed, he has strived to build maps to orient himself and not get lost. We have maps of the deepest layers of the earth, of the seas, of the cosmos, but – strangely – we are not provided with effective maps to orient us in our personal development or in the unexplored territories of human potential. Accompanying people on this journey is, for me, an honor.
Energy economies: working on local districts and overall energies
The human being has its own global energy economy, a set of delicate balances from which emerges its degree of overall “power”, the ability to deal with cases, actions, challenges, small, large, simple or complex problems, dominating them, or – otherwise – being crushed by them.
The alchemy of entire personal energies is decidedly complex.
Local districts of the human system also have their own local economy. We can examine not only the whole, but also specific parts.
The energy economy concerns both macro-districts (e.g. physical and mental) up to, going down in scale, touching very specific micro-economies.
Local economies exist in physical districts, such as a shoulder, a knee, a stomach, and every other organ.
The same goes for economies linked to mental skills, such as concentration or decision-making clarity. The mind has its own general economies that lead it to function well or poorly, as well as economies in specific cognitive areas, e.g., creativity. Each district (both bodily and cerebral) is also an open system, and is affected by the districts with which it interacts. The complex of individual energies is therefore articulated and connects to the performances that the person may or may not generate.
Each organ lives on exhaustible resources, has its own holding capacity and its own stress and breaking points, which cannot be ignored. For example, in rheumatology the concept of “joint economy” is studied, i.e. the “economy of the joint” [2]. Each area of the body, like a knee, has its own local economy, and we can ask ourselves how much a person can run without inflaming it, what physical activities strengthen or damage it, what type of nutrients are needed to keep the cartilage in good condition, and again how to lift a heavy object without damaging the knee.
Asking people to perform without studying (1) the state of the overall energy economies, and, (2) the local economies most directly involved in the specific performance, is like asking a horse to run without checking whether it has eaten or whether it has hooves. It means not caring and squeezing it and then throwing it away, and this is not our philosophy.
We are not even of the opinion that it is good to massage the horse for a year until he wants to run (useless do-goodism), but we also do not think it is useful or right to whip him to squeeze out every last bit of reserve energy. What is needed is a careful training strategy.
The approach is to remove (1) hypocrisy and do-goodism, (2) unnecessary aggressiveness, and (3) improvisation.
To technically work towards the expected performances, we must cultivate personal development and energetic condition, respecting both the sacredness of the person and the sacredness of the objective.
Changing behaviors, carefully studying the state of a physical and/or mental district, taking it into account in one’s lifestyle, allows you to better manage the energies and condition of both the district and your entire personal activity.
Optimizing the “specific economy” of physical districts, reducing trauma or damage to a minimum, allows us to expand people’s operational possibilities. Specific research shows how by taking local economies into account and optimizing gestures and behaviors it is possible to allow those who have suffered trauma to return to work or train. This attention to local and overall energies and economies must be extended well beyond the disease front.
The same reasoning “by districts” also affects the economies of mental and cognitive functioning. For example, we have an “economy of decision-making skills”, an “economy of anxiety”, and also an “economy of attention”, or an “economy of relational skills”. If we talk a lot and forcefully for work, we realize that we no longer feel like talking about work, perhaps during a break, and we would like to avoid other obligatory relational activities. This is an example of it.
We touch energy levels first-hand every time a variable is called into action, for example, for the attention economy, we note its existence every time a speaker goes on stage or a teacher teaches, and we notice how we can stay attentive.
If we haven’t slept for days or have a severe toothache, or headache, we will have no attention span, our economy will have been deprived, our energies will be emptied or absorbed by something else.
And again, the teacher’s skills and interest in the topic will have an impact, in a changing relationship and with balance dependent on many variables.
The final message, even in an introductory context like this, is that – to work seriously on human and organizational potential – we need the ability to move the level of analysis from micro to macro, and vice versa, with a strong zoom ability, a mental stretching which is itself a training work.
[1]A logical consequence that we cannot hide is that medicine should therefore also deal with these phenomena, joining psychology and other sciences, in a single discipline of the overall functioning of the human being.
[2]See for example the study by Pasqui, F., Mastrodonato, L., Ceccarelli, F., Scrivo, R., Magrini, L., Riccieri, V., Di Franco, M., Gentili, M., Valesini, G ., Spadaro, A., (2006), Occupational therapy in rheumatoid arthritis: short-term prospective study in patients treated with anti-TNF-alpha drugs . Occupational therapy in rheumatoid arthritis: short term prospective study in patients treated with anti-TNF-alpha drugs, Rheumatism, 58 (3), pp. 191-198.
Human Potential by Dr. Daniele Trevisani – relevant keywords of the article
Master in Marketing Psychology and Communication: Private Master disbursed give it students directed by the Founder from the Psychology of Marketing and Communication in Europe, Dr. Daniele Trevisani, author of 33 books including the pioneering “ Marketing and Communication Psychology . Purchase , persuasive levers , new communication and management strategies ” ( released in 2001 with Franco Angeli Editore) and “Buyer’sBehavior and Strategic Communication : From the analysis of Consumer Behavior to design communicative . ” (2003).
No matter the situation, knowing what you want to communicate is vital. I often encounter would be communicators who are quick to determine they need a message to deliver – in an email, on a conference call, during a panel discussion, at a town hall meeting, or as a keynote speaker. But often, these communicators don’t have a real handle on what it looks or sounds like. More difficult is coming up with a message that is complete sentence.
I will offer you this: the science of message delivery is perfected by targeting 11 words. (11 words.)
A high-quality message has direction, perspective; it is declarative. For our message to stick, it needs to be repeatable. That means it needs to be concise. Over the past four years, I have spent more than a few hours counting the words in the most effective messaging that I have developed, that has been developed by clients or that I’ve seen in the wild. Every one of those uses declarative, descriptive language – and averages 11 words. This is especially true when we are communicating verbally.
This is my philosophy on message development: If you had to boil your presentation, speech, meeting, hallway conversation…whatever…down to one sentence, what would it be? Getting your message short makes it easily repeatable…a critical element for audience retention.
Just about every time I introduce the idea to a client, there is some pushback about 11 words not being able to express everything she or he would like. But the message doesn’t need to carry every bit of information. Many messages are crammed with support points or storytelling. The message only needs to serve as a headline. And when you start thinking of it that way – start accepting the message rarely, if ever, stands by itself – conciseness becomes clearer.
To be effective in communications, you need to be concise. (10 words.)
While Nobel Prize recipient Richard Feynman was teaching at Cal Tech, he asked if a cataclysm where all the scientific knowledge was destroyed, where only one sentence passed on to the next generations of creatures, what would be the sentence that contains the most information in the least number of words? He posited the atomic hypothesis:
“All things are made out of atoms – little particles that move around or are in perpetual motion, attracting each other when they are some distance apart, but repel being squeezed into one another.” (33 words.)
Shorter: “Everything’s made of atoms in perpetual motion attracting each other when apart, but resisting being squeezed together.” (17 words.)
Your business enterprise likely can’t be characterized in one short phrase. There are multiple objectives, activities and values that need to be expressed. But the message doesn’t need to carry all that information. It needs to synthesize what that information means to your audience. You’ll have proof points and storytelling content that provide greater context and depth. But what is the primary element you want your audience to recall?
Take a look at this message:
“Genpact’s continued investments in digital technology, combined with its geography-specific risk advisory councils that add to its domain expertise, help financial institutions transform operations to drive more strategic business impact.”
That is basically a paragraph.
“Genpact’s investments in digital technology help financial institutions transform operations and strategically impact business.” (14 words.)
How about this message from Jacqueline Novogratz of global non-profit Acumen:
“The only way to end poverty and make it history is to build viable systems on the ground that deliver critical and affordable goods and services to the poor in ways that are financially sustainable and scalable.” (37 words.)
Better:
“To end poverty, we need viable, sustainable and scalable systems on the ground.” (13 words.)
Some other excellent examples of concise messaging:
“Clariant is committed to innovation, R&D and a focus on sustainability.” (11 words.)
“The U.S. Army will always be excellent stewards of taxpayer dollars.” (11 words.)
“McDonald’s is making significant changes that are important to our customers, our people and the environment.” (16 words.)
“Our technology will help you better understand your customers.” (9 words.)
“Our experience in real estate conversion is unmatched.” (8 words.)
Often, I am working with a client on messaging to be used in various strategic communications settings: media outreach, analyst meetings, internal communications, among others. In the last month alone, however, I have listened as individuals from a pair of major corporations fell back on the company slogan – or tagline – as a message.
And while taglines – defined as a short, often catchy phrase that fully captures an organization’s mission or spirit – work great in advertising, they fall short of scope and gravitas in every other form of strategic communications.
While a tagline can reflect messaging, a tagline is not a message. (12 words.)
In a media interview, a spokesperson is not doing much to express the breadth of a new product or partnership or providing deep insight to its mission or its services by spouting: “Fly the friendly skies” or “Empowering technology” or “Have it your way” or “The power of dreams.” In fact, I’ll bet you can only ID two of the four companies represented there.
No. A message needs to be concise and declarative, like a tagline, but it needs to also state a business objective clearly. It needs to not only satisfy the audiences’ “want,” but make a good argument for the “why.” Unlike a 30-second ad, other strategic communications environments require a little more context.
Key words from a tagline may make their way into a message. In fact, it is a great way to ensure recall of critical descriptive language. But a message provides greater depth for all critical audiences.
The WNYC-FM show and podcast “RadioLab,” in April of 2020, explored the idea of what would be the one sentence various individuals would leave behind.
“You will die, and that is really the most important thing.” – Caitlin Doughty, writer and mortician
That is a declarative 11 words.
_______
Steve Johnson
Principal
SJConnects Strategic Communications
First of all, let me suggest you to read all the article which is very interesting. Beyond that, you might also be interested to some practical tools about formulation of the right questions in the coaching session.
Article by
Dr. Mouna Ben Meftah, Master Degree in Semiotics. Expert in Intercultural Marketing and Communications
When it comes to coaching, it is common practice to identify its founding father in Whitmore, who conceived the GROW model through collaboration with Gallwey (in turn the theorist of the Inner Game method, according to which performance derives from the difference between individual potential and interference internal and external).
However, it is necessary to remember here that coaching has much more ancient origins, traceable already in maieutic thought: Socrates considered the use of dialogue and the formulation of questions to be the method of choice through which to guide the disciple.
To bring to light those truths which, unknowingly, were already present in himself.
Similarly, the coaching method aims to make the individual aware of their abilities through a path in which the coach supports the coachee in enhancing and explaining their resources.
This thought, in reality, is present to a certain extent in the life of each of us; stopping to reflect, we would probably all be able to identify a figure who, in the course of our life, has helped us to make these paths of awareness through active listening and the formulation of the right questions.
In my experience, the person who allowed me to reach this awareness was undoubtedly my grandmother, who, partly unconsciously, used techniques very close to Socratic thought and the GROW model identified by Whitmore.
To date, I am defined by others as a strong person, determined, capable of making decisions and with a great awareness of himself; it is my grandmother that I have to thank for becoming today the person I am, who has done nothing but support me in the path of acquiring awareness about my potential and my limits.
We all have these potentials within us, but not all of us have been lucky enough to have a person able to help us recognize them; the figure of the coach was born to support and guide individuals in this path of self-discovery, through the use of specific techniques and models, within a human and empathic relationship, which leads to the growth of the coachee.
Actually, the English verb “to grow up” in Italian means to grow and actually the application of the Whitmore model allows growth of the coachee, bringing to light new awareness, such as a grandmother does with her granddaughter.
Whitmore’s GROW model, widely used today as it is considered one of the most effective within coaching, owes its name to the acronym of the four elements considered by the Author as fundamental, namely Goal, Reality, Options and Will.
We can often find these four characteristics also within our interpersonal relationships when we compare ourselves with someone dear to us to ask him for advice regarding a situation that temporarily causes us a crisis of self-governance or prevents us from thinking clearly about actions to be put in place to resolve the same effectively.
For example, I fondly remember the visits I made to my grandmother as a child, during which I confided my worries and anger to her.
Through the right questions, she guided me towards a reflection that would help me better understand my states of mind and decide how to behave, making me feel very relieved.
In coaching, this aspect is called “mobility” and represents both the main responsibility of the coach and the aim to aim for during the session.
The coach must in fact work, through the formulation of precise questions, with the aim of making the coachee find mobility again.
Lost, that is, the drive to act necessary to restore the equilibrium cracked by the crisis of self-government.
Therefore, while the achievement of the set goal is the coachee’s responsibility, it is instead the coach’s responsibility to achieve the mobility necessary to pursue the goal itself.
Affirming that the achievement of the goal is the sole responsibility of the coachee is equivalent to saying that the coach must not act in his place, replacing the latter in achieving the goal, but must limit himself to allowing him to regain the mobility temporarily lost.
Once again, my grandmother’s behavior comes to mind: she has never interfered in a quarrel between my mother and me, for example, by taking my side, but has always limited herself to helping me reflect on the situation, leaving me the task of making the decisions that I felt were most right and acting in that direction.
Similarly, the coach must support the coachee in this process but then leave him free to work independently and not replace him in achieving the goal, which, as already mentioned, is the sole responsibility of the coachee.
The first aspect identified by Whitmore concerns the “Goals,” which in Italian we can identify as the “objectives”: the definition of them represents the starting point of each coaching session, that is to define the purpose and the objective that the coachee wants.
Reach through the path.
These objectives can be short, medium or long term; the important thing is that they have some fundamental characteristics, summarized in the acronym
S.
M.
A.
R.
T.
E.
R.
Specific: the objectives identified must be clear, defined and concrete.
Extremely vague or generic objectives could hinder the success of the intervention.
The definition of a goal is the basis of the entire work, which is why if it is not clear, the quality of the intervention is affected, not guaranteeing the achievement of the same.
It frequently happens that the coachee arrives in session with extremely generic and undefined objectives in mind, which is why it is the task of the coach to guide him towards their correct specification.
Measurable: another fundamental characteristic is that a goal must be measured, monitored and reported.
When some types of objectives are clearly defined (for example, improving academic performance in mathematics), this characteristic is implicit.
In contrast, for others, it may be necessary to determine the evaluation parameters.
This means that every objective, regardless of its nature, to be valid must have an explanation both of the parameters that will be measured (the “what” to measure) and the modalities through which this measurement will be carried out (the how to measure).
Also in this case, the coach’s fundamental task is to stimulate reflection in the coachee regarding the correct definition of these parameters, on the basis of which the success or failure of the intervention will subsequently be assessed.
Attainable (feasible): the goal to be set must respond to the characteristics of its feasibility.
It must actually be possible to achieve it to avoid frustration and alienation on the part of the coachee.
To identify the actual feasibility, it is essential to understand which factors could affect the goal itself and which environmental or situational influences may arise between the individual and his purpose.
It is necessary to keep in mind the difficulties that may occur and identify possible solutions to guarantee the project’s feasibility.
The goal, however, must be modulated on individual needs, since based on these the same task can be considered by different subjects “too easy” and therefore dull, or “too difficult” and thus a cause of anxiety and stress.
Relevant: another fundamental characteristic of a correctly formulated goal is that it possesses emotional relevance for the coachee; this is necessary because, on the contrary, it will never be able to be satisfied and satisfied with a job that does not matter to him.
No goal can be considered functional if there is no motivational basis of interest in achieving it.
Time-bound (Thunderstorms): the goal must be well organized at a temporal level and programmed by not too long timelines.
It would be better not to exceed one year in duration, in order not to cause anguish and anxiety in the coachee, but if it were too long and complicated, it would be good to break it down into various sub-objectives that can be pursued through shorter steps.
Ecological: the objectives must be designed compatibly with the wishes and needs of the individual, as well as compatibly with the environmental variables that can affect their success.
Furthermore, an objective must inextricably respect the culture and values of the coachee.
Register: that is, the goal must be monitored throughout the course in order not to lose contact with it and with the steps that lead to its realization.
It is vital to keep every step under control and not lose sight of the initial focus, remaining linked to reality and awareness, not only of oneself, but also of what you want and how to achieve your dreams.
Once again, the importance of setting goals according to these parameters reminds me that when, during visits to my grandmother, I told her that I felt disheartened due to an argument with my mother and said, for example, “no, enough, I don’t want to lead this life anymore! ” she always told me “but this is not a solution.
What is it that you would like to change specifically? What concrete problem do you want to solve? ” encouraging me to look for a possible concrete resolution.
Unknowingly, through her questions, my grandmother pushed me to reflect on what I wanted and to frame the goal so that I could work to achieve it.
The second aspect at the basis of the GROW model is “reality”, that is reality, one of the cornerstones of coaching, since it reminds the person not to detach from it, keeping in mind all the variables that can come into play, understanding whether the situation is whether or not it is controllable or if there are influences that could interfere with the lens.
At this stage, it is essential to guide the coachee in a reflection on their current situation, starting from the analysis of existing facts; in addition, it is also necessary to recognize the existence of several factors (opinions, prejudices, judgments, etc.
) which implicitly influence the vision of reality.
Just as my grandmother calmed my anger during my outbursts, inviting me to reflect more on the current situation and to question myself about the factors that could amplify it at that moment by clarifying it in my mind, in the same way the coach must try to take the necessary detachment to formulate the right questions that can push the coachee to be as objective as possible during this evaluation.
For example, I remember that my grandmother often asked me, “what did you do to achieve what you wanted? Have you talked to your mom? “….
“Options”, which is the third aspect of the GROW model represents the definition of obstacles and the ways to pursue the goal, therefore what and how can be done, what different options you have to achieve the same goal and what resources you have to arrangement.
The coach’s questions in this phase will be aimed at stimulating reflection on the possibilities of action to achieve the set goal.
Returning to my memories, my grandmother often asked me, “what can you do to solve this problem? What strategies do you have at your disposal? ” helping me think about what options I had at my disposal to effectively resolve the problem situation.
“Will” which indicates the will, is identifiable in answer to the questions “When”, “What”, “Where”, “Who” and “How” and therefore “when” to start working towards one’s goal, “what” to do to reach the goal, “where” and “with whom” to work and “in what way” in terms of resources and concrete methods.
In this phase, the aspects examined previously are concretized, making them converge in the path that the coachee will have to implement.
Similarly, compared to the frequent quarrels with my mom, my grandmother always asked me, “When do you want to talk to your mother? What do you want to tell her? How do you want to talk to her? ” and thanks to them I was able to focus my attention on the individual actions that I wanted to do to achieve my goal.
Following these steps and making sure to be accompanied by a coach throughout the course makes sure that the subject is aware of what he can do, remaining faithful to a state of reality without setting himself abstract or unattainable goals, but rather programmed and realistic.
Having in mind a goal that possesses these characteristics will allow the subject to have satisfaction and fulfillment in carrying it out, abandoning that sense of discouragement and frustration that characterizes random and uncertain purposes.
With this in mind, a coach represents the guide that allows you to define desires and accompanies them towards their realization with clarity and awareness.
Indeed, when I left my grandmother’s house, thanks to her questions and the consequent reflections she stimulated in me, I remember that I was able to see the situation differently and knew better how to act.
The model developed by Whitmore is very effective and, if applied correctly, allows to concretely help those who turn to a coach to achieve functional objectives; moreover, this model can also be effectively applied in daily life, outside of a coaching session, representing a great resource that each of us can count on, as the memories of chats with my grandmother show.
However, if not applied within a welcoming, empathic and never judgmental relationship, even if perfectly respected, it will never lead to the desired results.
This is because the fundamental condition for applying, not only the GROW model but in general the tools used in coaching, is the existence of an authentic, sincere, empathic, engaging and non-judgmental relationship between coach and coachee.
In particular, it should be emphasized importance for the coach to refrain from any form of judgment so that the coachee feels free to express himself without censorship and constraints, allowing him to speak openly about any topic he wishes during the session.
If we think about it, this non-judgmental aspect unites all grandmothers, conventionally considered.
those who protect their grandchildren and are always available to welcome them about their fears and their desires.
Regarding my childhood, I remember that I never felt completely comfortable.
opening up to my mom, probably because of her extreme severity; in fact, she has always imposed very strict rules on me and I, probably for fear of her possible punishment, have never been able to speak to her openly, telling her everything that came to my mind without any filter.
Probably this was also partly because I felt scarcely welcomed by my mother: for example, there was the rule of not entering the house with shoes, which were always stored near the door.
On the contrary, I remember with deep affection that my grandmother never judged my thoughts, my behaviors or my choices, nor did she ever impose anything on me, on the contrary leaving me free to decide for me; for these reasons, I much preferred to confide in her, who never made me feel judged.
Unlike my mom, my grandmother never imposed anything on me, making me feel very welcome: for example, I remember that she never told me where to put my shoes and she never forced me to leave them out, telling me every time I could decide I what to do.
Likewise, the coach during a session should try to make the coachee feel comfortable; it is crucial to avoid any kind of judgment, as it would risk inhibiting the latter from expressing himself freely, just as it happened to me with my mother.
The story of the place to store shoes also refers to one of the fundamental aspects of the coaching sessions: Hospitality.
It is the coach’s task to convey to the coachee, through behaviors such as leaving the latter the freedom to use the space as he prefers and to establish an empathic and solid relationship over time, the feeling of being accepted for what he is, without any judgment and bond.
It was not only the absence of rules that made me perceive this climate of deep trust and affinity with my grandmother but also her willingness to pay total attention to my stories, an aspect that I could notice from her comments and never improper considerations, similar to the fundamental use of feedback and active listening techniques by the coach during the sessions.
– The GROW model is inscribed within a broader framework that cannot be simply summarized in the points described above but, on the contrary, also includes the use of these two fundamental tools: feedback, (which is different from advice, an opinion and/or a judgment) that leads to comparison and active listening, that is a listening capable of paying attention to what the other reports to us through different channels, refraining from judging its contents.
As we listen, we know that every word or sentence does not exist alone but is part of pre-existing mental networks and knots, which are touched by communication.
Each message that touches a point inside a network of meanings stimulates the meanings close to that point.
Messages that pass through cognitive networks and belief systems can change the structure of the network itself.
Powerful questions can change your mind. Not only they can help us explore people’s inner worlds, but they can also change them by helping the client increase his/her own self-awareness. Receiving the permission/request to ask them, as happens in psychotherapy sessions, is enough.
Here below you can find some examples of powerful questions, but be aware that they must be used wisely, with professional attitude, and only after receiving the client’s permission:
How long have you not felt happy?
What is the atmosphere in your home?
What do you think is possible and what do you think is impossible in your life?
What stage are you living in your life?
What have you not yet dealt with in your life?
What gives life meaning to you?
How soon would you like to feel happy?
What’s the worst thing that doesn’t have to happen in your life?
What were the worst moments of your life?
Why did we get there?
How long have you not felt carefree?
Who do you feel good with?
When do you feel good?
What are the people who give you energy and those who take away that energy from you?
Do you feel capable of planning your future?
Do you usually plan something in the day, week, month, year, several years, ever?
What is the worst offense they could cause you?
What does an existential refuge represent for you? Where do you go to heal yourself?
What would you like to do in life before you die?
How do you feel in the presence of X? (Where X is a significant person)
What do you need to pay attention to most, in order to improve your life?
Do you think you have the strength to change something in your life?
You told me that sometimes you feel like you are in a blender (reformulation). When exactly does it happen, in what situations?
Are there victims of your actions or behaviours or ways of doing things?
Who or what do you care most about in life?
If you had a magic wand and you could make 3 wishes, what would they be?
What are the quiet moments in which you regenerate?
Are they enough?
What are the confusing moments in your life?
Do you feel that you always have the right energy to face all the situations?
What is worth fighting for in life, in your opinion?
What are you fighting for?
How many energies do you have when you get up in the morning?
How are your energies when you go to sleep, what are the prevailing thoughts?
In which moments do you feel more outgoing and in which more introverted?
What is the thing that would make you say “I did it!”?
What battles did you give up?
What are the 2 most negative and the 2 most positive aspects about yourself, in your opinion?
What would a “plan B” be all right for your life? What options are there?
When did you feel hurt?
When did you feel happy beyond all limits?
If we could identify a micro-action already feasible today or tomorrow, what would that be?
Some of these questions can be asked with special mental training techniques, while lying down with your eyes closed, but this requires a special type of training, because trying to read yourself deeply is not easy and, in that condition the complexity of your inner world increases, and so do the emotional responses, including emotions that lead to crying, anger, suffering, joy, etc.
Being able to manage these reactions requires special training, at least a counselling course or an advanced coaching course.
Releasing these responses and the emotions that accompany them is good, since it breaks the “Spiral of Silence” which, like a disease, suffocates people, companies, organizations and entire societies.
Please note that these questions are specifically used in coaching, counselling, therapy, leadership, and other professional situations involving adults. They should not be used “just to try” especially in family environments and with children or adolescents who are unable to metabolize the emotional weight that these questions create.
